Exploits of a Vegan Wannabe

Our neighbor just moved and generously gifted us his fridge. We are grateful to have it and have been searching for two willing and able-bodied individuals to help us maneuver this behemoth down the basement stairs. I was finally able to snag two kind souls by offering vegan brownies. Evidently I have grown up and so have my friends. Remember when people would only help you move things if you offered to buy them a case of beer? Vegan brownies are the new beer.

So, we had to clean the basement and make a spot for our new vegan ice box. As I was sorting through the forgotten items that always make it into peoples basements, I came across my Weight Watchers carryall. I have the books, the cook books, the point counters, the journals and the attache to keep it in. I have kept this weighty paraphernalia for at least a decade. I have dug it out of the dust and shadows every time I have vowed to take control of my eating and work the program. I have weighed in before sympathetic strangers and received my award ribbons for pounds lost.

I saw this bundle and immediately thought, :”I will keep you in case I get fat again,” and then I stopped as if an ice cold glass of water had been thrown in my face.  I reigned myself in and thought, “That is an old way of thinking. You don’t have to feel that way anymore, regardless of what you weigh.” And I decided in that moment to get rid of it.

Recycling these materials was one of the most liberating and frightening decisions I have ever made. I have kept this carryall as a life ring….the only thing that would stop me when and if I got out of control. My weight, my eating, my portion sizes. Freeing myself of the tyranny of the reduction plan road map was like announcing that the war was finally over. I was waving the white flag for my self esteem, my distorted view of my body and my incessant desire to fix it. Time to get off this ride because I have really been enjoying the life is good and food is healthy ride much more.

Becoming vegan and a runner has definitely changed my body in ways that I feel are beautiful and sustainable, but what I am really talking about here is a mental shift. I now eat to fuel, to flourish and to thrive. I eat foods with natural fat and vibrant colors. I haven’t purchased a carton or container that says,”fat free” since becoming vegan and that is liberating. I have spent the majority of my 39 years  feeling overweight. This has made me feel unlovable and insecure. In the year that I have been vegan I have shed more layers of that thinking and conditioning then I ever thought possible. It is a work in progress. I slip often and say unkind  things to myself, but I now more readily recognize it and stop instead of letting it run like a repeating loop of belittling banter. Becoming vegan began a truce with my body and my mind that has changed my life.

So, the Weight Watchers info is no longer needed. I am no longer willing to eat to reduce or to eliminate parts of me. I want to be full and energetic with a nourished body and soul. Thank you for being a part of this journey. I look forward to hearing about yours.

Have a delicious weekend.

Tags: compassionate eating, healthy eating, healthy living, raising self esteem, reasons to go vegan, reasons to go vegetarian, vegan challenge, vegan experience, vegan transition, vegan wannabe, vegetarian transition